A few
nights ago when I was “talking” to
my son, I told him about the Compassionate Friends Candle Lighting we
were
planning. I said I was having a bad
case of “writer’s block” and pleaded with him to inspire me. He came through loud and clear.
He said send me e-mail, my address is: kevin@heaven.org.
He also reminded me that I always called him “Charles”. He wanted an e-mail message - so here goes!
Dear
Charles,
I can’t
quite believe
your message came to me so quickly and so strongly.
It made me happy that you wanted me to call you Charles
again. Dad wanted to name you Kevin and
I agreed, thinking all along I’d call you Charles privately. I remember how much you liked having a
special name just between the two of us.
I really liked it when you told a girlfriend that she
could not
call you “Charles” because I was the only one who could call you that.
Remember
when you were
in the hospital and the nurse came to get you for some tests and I said
“good
luck, Charles” and she freaked out and grabbed your arm to check your
nametag? We all had a good laugh over
that one. I was thrilled when you choose “Charles” for your
confirmation name. That made it real.
I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and tell how much we will all miss you. My dream is that you are busy shopping for stocking stuffers and decorating a big beautiful tree – don’t worry your allergies are a thing of the past. At this time of year, I think about how you wanted to make Christmas cookies your first night home from the hospital when you first got sick. You and your sister made the most delicious cookies I have ever eaten. You were so weak, I don’t know how managed to bake and decorate cookies.
We don’t
do stockings
anymore, that was your thing and we all want to remember how great you
were at
picking out just the right stuff.
Christmas cookies are also a thing of the past.
For me, doing these things without you is
just too sad.
We had the
cousins over
for Thanksgiving this year. We lit a
big vanilla scented candle for you right in the middle of the table. I almost baked a single potato just for you. You are about the only person I know who
doesn’t like mashed potatoes.
When I’m
shopping, this
time of year especially, I still see things I think you would like and
I want
to buy them for you. You had such
strong tastes it was easy to buy for you.
Besides, you were never shy about dropping hints!
In
closing, I’ll just
wish you a very Merry Christmas, peace, health, happiness, joy and,
most of
all, love. Please continue to keep in
touch.
Love
always,
Mom